I'm not really sure I believe in negative karma. I think there are people out there who do asshole things every day of their lives and it never catches up to them. Or that because you hit and ran someone's Kia in the Target parking lot you should just know that your refrigerator breaking down is the universe's way of resolving that.
I think we laugh at misfortune and try to take credit for things as a way to control others. Like, I'm sure my shitty landlords would maybe believe that my clutch going out is "payback" for having called code enforcement on them.
People tell me all the time that someday David is going to look back and regret not being there for his kids and moving away and trying to ask me for the child support money back in exchange for allowing me to keep the car I drive them around in. Like, "someday he'll regret it, someday he'll hurt." Cats in the cradle and all that. You know what? I don't know that he will. And I really don't care if he will. My energy is put toward hoping the kids aren't scarred and it doesn't turn them into maladjusted adults. If David never gives a second thought to missing out, you know, that's really got nothing to do with my life.
I realized today that I spend about 40% of my day helping others. This is outside of my duties to my family and myself. And though the things I do may be small, they are still things.
The things I have done in the last week:
- Helped two people find work
- Helped a couple get a paper route
- Directed three people on how to deal with feral kittens at their house or rehome stray animals
- Distributed the list of local people who are willing to foster livestock and pets during the wildfires (the list was put together when Yucaipa caught on fire in June and I kept it in case we needed it again, and we did.)
- Became a part of an underground railroad for cat rescue that helps transport kitties out of state to their new adoptive parents or fosters
- Helped a friend rescue her three cats from her mother who is about to turn them over to the high kill Devore Shelter while she is out of state
- Helped two people apartment hunt
- Set up an appointment to photograph a family at their son's burial site. For free.
- Photographed freshly engaged lesbians (whose wedding I am doing for free as a congrats to the overturning of Prop 8.)
- Made mushy foods for Mama Bird
- Gave away all of my recyclables to someone who needed the money more than me (about $20 worth.)
- Called a friend to check on their mental well being and make sure necessary medications are being taken.
- Gave away dishes and clothes to people who needed them.
- Made food for Mama Bird
- Carried groceries/junk/whatever up the stairs for Mama Bird
- Helped an old man in a wheel chair get on and off the bus safely (fuck that bus driver, by the way, isn't that his job?)
- Walked with a young girl who got off the bus in a shady part of town to keep her safe.
- Brought food to the Tin Man
- Brought food for the stray dog at the DC
- Various unassigned duties/other people's jobs at his work (in other words things he is not actually responsible for.)
- Bought donuts for the people waiting for the free bread place to open.
But then I was thinking, and I was thinking that maybe it does add up. Or maybe it's the reason we seem to always have exactly what we need when we need it.
Or maybe none of it is related and it's just a good idea to keep doing nice things for people because it's the right thing to do.